Why So Many People Carry Sexual Shame (And How to Let It Go)

"Is this too much? Is something wrong with me?"

For many people, that little voice in the back of their minds shows up when they think about the fantasies they have.

If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.

So many people have felt ashamed of their sexuality at some point. We've been taught, sometimes directly and sometimes subtly, that there's a "right" way to be sexual. Anything outside of that is often seen as wrong, dirty, or embarrassing.

But the truth is: your sexual desires are valid, and it's time to let go of the shame.

What Is Sexual Shame?

Sexual shame is when people make you feel bad about your sexuality. It's often called slut shaming, and it can show up in all kinds of ways—like being judged for having sex, not having sex, wearing certain clothes, or simply talking about what you like.

The hardest part? It feels like you can't win. If you're open about your sex life, you're "too wild." If you're not, you're "boring" or "too uptight." It's exhausting.

And after a while, that outside judgment starts to sink in. You begin questioning yourself, hiding your curiosity, and feeling guilty about normal things.

People Get Judged for Their Kinks

Let's talk about kinks and fantasies — things many people enjoy but often feel too ashamed to admit. Fantasies like submission, spanking, role-playing, dirty talk, BDSM (bondage, dominance, submission, and more), or even being watched are often considered taboo.

But the truth is, according to Verywell Mind, these kinds of fantasies are completely normal and incredibly common. People just don't talk about them openly.

Even though many people have these fantasies, they keep them to themselves out of fear of being judged because of how society labels these desires as "weird," "wrong," or "too much." So, it's no surprise that many feel embarrassed about what naturally turns them on.

But here's what you need to remember. Having certain kinks doesn't make you broken or bad. It simply means you've finally discovered what truly excites you. And owning that is a form of sexual empowerment.

Exploring Your Fantasies

It's normal to have fantasies, even ones you'd never act out in real life. They're simply a space where your mind can explore what feels interesting or exciting, without judgment or expectation. In fact, research shows that fantasizing can boost confidence, deepen intimacy, and help you understand yourself better.

At the same time, many people carry quiet shame about their sexual past or lack of experience. Maybe you've had more partners than you expected. Maybe fewer. Perhaps some experiences were meaningful, and others weren't. Either way, there's often pressure, especially on women, to explain or justify it.

But sexuality isn't one-size-fits-all. What's important is that your choices reflect what feels right for you. Exploring desire through imagination or real-life experiences can be part of feeling empowered in your body and more connected to yourself.

How Smitten Can Help You Explore Your Sexuality

This is exactly why we built Smitten—to offer a private, judgment-free space where people can explore their unique desires in ways that feel safe, personal, and affirming.

Through erotic storytelling, you can revisit past experiences, explore new kinks, or reconnect with your sensual self. Erotic stories may feel like just a guilty pleasure, but they can also be a powerful tool for self-discovery.

With Smitten, you shape the story, choose your setting, and even cast yourself or a real-life partner. Whether you're trying to spice up your relationship, rebuild confidence after a breakup, or better understand what turns you on, Smitten helps everyone do that through erotic stories designed by you, for you.

Because sexual empowerment often begins with something simple: giving yourself freedom to imagine. And every great story starts with a wild imagination.

So, let your fantasy run wild.

Imagine it.

Smitten writes it.

Start your erotic story here.